One of the most common concerns parents express is: “How do I protect my child from being exposed to sexual topics or concepts that I feel are inappropriate for their age?” While you can take steps to limit exposure through rules and monitoring, it’s nearly impossible to shield them completely. The real challenge lies in preparing for the moment when your child comes to you with a question.
Children constantly interact with peers, each raised in different environments, often with varying levels of exposure. Some may have older siblings who share more mature content, while others may encounter new ideas through media or their surroundings. Kids are curious, and they talk. They might hear a term, repeat it without understanding, and then come to you wondering what it means.
This is where your role shifts from gatekeeper to guide. While you can’t control every piece of information your child encounters, you can control your reaction and how you choose to educate them. Every family will handle this differently, but approaching these conversations openly is key.
One essential principle I always emphasise is this: never dismiss their question. To your child, asking about a sexual topic might feel no different than asking why the sky is blue or why balls are round. The amount of detail you share is entirely up to you, but responding with honesty and validation helps foster trust. When children feel heard and receive clear, age-appropriate answers, they’re often satisfied and ready to move on. Some might have follow-up questions, but there’s a natural point where their curiosity is met, and the topic resolves itself.
I aim to offer tools and strategies for navigating these sensitive conversations in these posts. Whether it’s insights from my parenting journey or practical advice from working with other families, the goal is to empower you to respond confidently and thoughtfully when the time comes.
The Question
During a car ride home from an appointment, an 11-year-old boy suddenly asked, “Mum, why do people giggle at school when my iPad percentage says 69?” Cue a moment of internal pause and a mental, “Oh boy, here we go!”
The Strategies
When a child asks a question like this, my go-to strategy is rephrasing it to them. This serves two important purposes. First, it helps me gauge what they already know. Are they simply repeating something they overheard? Have their peers explained why it’s funny, or is it just a number to them? By doing this, I can identify if there’s any misinformation to correct or whether they’re just innocently curious.
Second, rephrasing gives me a bit of breathing room. It provides a moment to gather my thoughts and decide how to respond appropriately. For example, you might say, “Do they? Why do you think they giggle? Did anyone tell you why it’s funny?” This encourages the child to share their understanding and gives you time to frame your answer in an age-appropriate and transparent way.
This approach allows for an open, thoughtful conversation while keeping things calm and measured—a helpful tactic for tackling tricky questions without getting flustered.
Navigating Embarrassment
The 11-year-old boy became visibly embarrassed, avoiding eye contact and sidestepping the question. It’s essential to recognise that every child reacts differently in these situations. Some might confidently explain what they’ve heard, while others might shut down, deny hearing anything, or, as in this case, say, “I can’t say what I heard.”
In moments like these, forcing a child to share can inadvertently make them feel invalidated, heightening their embarrassment or increasing their fear of how you might react. This can erode the trust you’re working to build. The goal is to encourage open communication so they continue to seek you out for guidance and answers.
One way to ease the pressure is to remove the need for them to verbalize what they heard. A helpful approach might be to say something like, “Hey, no need to feel embarrassed—it’s totally okay to feel that way. Would it help if I explained what I think 69 means? Then you can just tell me if that’s what you heard; no need to go into details.”
This method acknowledges their feelings, reinforces your role as a safe and approachable guide, and gives them a more comfortable way to engage in the conversation.
Simplicity is key when you decide to take the lead and explain what you think your child may have heard. Keep your explanation concise and straightforward. The goal is to confirm or clarify what they’ve been exposed to without overwhelming them—or yourself.
By offering a simple explanation, you show them it’s okay to talk about these topics openly, removing any sense of embarrassment or taboo. This is how they test the waters—gauging your comfort level and readiness to engage. They’re listening to your words and picking up on your tone, body language, and overall reaction.
Yes, it can feel overwhelming. You might wonder, “How does my 11-year-old know about this already?” or “I’m not prepared for this conversation!” And that’s perfectly natural. But the bigger picture is this: every parent-child relationship is unique. The goal isn’t to have a flawless, perfectly scripted conversation but to ensure your child knows you’re a safe, open place for their questions.
Ultimately, it’s about fostering an environment of trust and open communication. How that looks will vary from family to family, and that’s okay. The key is to meet your child where they are in a way that aligns with your relationship dynamic and to help them feel seen, heard, and supported.
In this Example
In this situation, being direct and brief worked best with the 11-year-old. I asked, “Did you hear that 69 is a sexual position?” The child visibly relaxed and said yes. I followed up with, “Well, you heard correctly. 69 is indeed a sexual position.”
By quickly and simply validating what he heard, I confirmed the information without going into detail. Some kids want to know if what they’ve been told is right or wrong, like checking if they can trust what Jimmy on the playground said. Others might have follow-up questions, and the level of detail you provide will depend on how your child processes information.
In this case, the child had follow-up questions: “Why do they giggle about it?” and “Why is it called that?” How much detail you provide depends on your comfort level and what you feel is age-appropriate. I follow a simple rule with my kids: they can’t use a word unless they understand its meaning and the context in which it’s appropriate. This means I often dive into more detailed explanations, but that’s my choice.
For this child, it became a chance to explore how stigma around sexuality develops. Why do kids giggle about it? Is it because they think it’s something taboo or because they’ve been told it’s “naughty” to talk about? These giggles often stem from the novelty of knowing something they think they shouldn’t.
At its core, though, the topic can be reframed: It’s just a position—something some people might choose to do and others might not. It doesn’t have to carry the weight of embarrassment or mystery. Addressing it straightforwardly can help normalise these conversations, reducing shame or discomfort around the subject.
In this case, simply explaining the situation factually and without judgment helped the child process it. Once he understood, he asked logically: “Why are people giggling about it?” At 11, he was thinking critically, realising that if this is something people might choose to do, why does it provoke laughter?
Sexuality Lens
This highlights an essential point: children don’t naturally view topics like sexuality through a stigmatised lens. That perspective is shaped by the reactions and conversations they’re exposed to. In response to his curiosity about the name, the explanation was straightforward: “It’s called that because of how two people position themselves, with their heads near each other’s private areas. See how the numbers 6 and 9 mirror each other? That’s why it got that name.”
His predictable response—“Eww, why would anyone do that?”—is expected. At this stage, kids haven’t yet entered puberty, where hormonal changes and increased awareness of intimacy begin to shift their perspectives.
It’s crucial to validate their reaction in moments like this while laying a foundation for future understanding: “I totally get why it seems strange now. It’s something that will make more sense when you’re older, and your body starts to go through changes during puberty. For now, think of it as just information. And remember, if you ever have more questions, you can always ask me.”
This approach reassures them that curiosity is natural while ensuring they feel safe coming to you for guidance.
Key Takeaway
Every family approaches these conversations differently, and that’s completely okay. How you talk to your child about sensitive topics is personal, and my goal isn’t to prescribe a specific method. Instead, I aim to offer examples and strategies you can adapt if you feel they align with your values and your child’s needs.
Our kids will encounter these topics—whether through friends, media, or other environments. They’ll have questions, and it is crucial to create a space where they feel safe to ask them openly. When children know they can come to you for honest, judgment-free discussions, you become their trusted source of accurate information. And really, isn’t that the ultimate goal? To be the person they turn to for clarity and understanding in a world full of mixed messages.