If you have read my article regarding Rule 34, you will know that porn has changed dramatically over the years.  Not only is it more accessible, but there is more of it, catered around categories designed to influence your sexual preferences. 

This abundance of porn has led to this overarching concept that:

• sex is instantaneous
• is not playful
• requires minimal foreplay
• males can last for hours in a variety of positions
• women always come
• it is not necessary for a woman to orgasm
• using degradation in sex appeals to all women, calling us bitches and whores
• pubic hair and labia are not necessary
• the best penises are the massive ones
• condoms aren’t required
• there are no diseases or periods
• women love to have a penis shoved down their throat to the point of gagging
• every woman loves anal
• anal sex happens instantly without any prep work
• women orgasm quickly with oral sex
• and the list goes on and on

Now that is not to say that the above is true for some individuals in some cases.  However, the reality of porn is that these points are generalised so much that it becomes the subjective norm for people, which then impacts their sexual behaviour.  There are no fantasies, there is none or very minimal foreplay, and there is no juggling being sexy between children, work, and home life.  Just a steady stream, frame by frame, of explicit sex. 

As parents and as an adult yourself, you need to understand that for most adolescents, this is how they learn about sex.  Most males will admit they viewed their first porn video between the ages of 8 and 12.  So, before you can even set a narrative on what a healthy, consensual, positive sexual encounter looks like, your child has been sold the idea that sex happens instantly, with no discussion between partners, intimacy, connection, and sex looks transactional in nature.

The concept and reality of porn require discussion no differently than learning about their bodies, navigating relationships, consent, and safe sex practices.  Why?  For the majority of things children are exposed to visually through mediums such as the internet, television, etc., they have seen a real-life example or had someone explain the occurrence to them.  For example, a child is watching a television show, and a high-speed car chase is within the show.  The child experiences being in a car with their parents almost daily.  The child learns to discern the difference between what they see depicted on the screen and real life.  Mum or dad doesn’t drive like that, so what I see on the screen is inaccurate.  They learn to associate these differences with what is known as entertainment.  The same occurs for lyrics in songs heard on the radio and its association to what is known as musicality or lyrics being lyrics and not real life.

Another example is when someone is killed in a movie.  For most kids, someone is next to them explaining that what they see is not real, that it is actors, or that it is fake blood, etc.  The association of what we see in a movie and television show correlates to this concept of ‘entertainment.’

This does not happen with porn.  When a child first views porn or subsequently views porn, it is usually alone with no one there to correct any misconceptions they start to formulate.  For example, no one explains that men’s penises are typically not that large, nor do men last that long.  No one explains that not all women want to be ejaculated over their faces or that you cannot just stick a penis up a butt without any preparation.  In addition, most children don’t grow up with a real-life visual example of what real-life sex looks like.  It’s not like we are out there demonstrating that to our kids willingly. On top of that, most children will hide the knowledge they have seen porn, and will continue to watch it in secret. In some cases, we just assume they are watching it, either oblivious to its impact, or in some cases think it is a normal part of growing up.

What happens is porn begins to look and emulate a documentary on what sex is supposed to look or sound like.  The concept of porn in comprehensive sexual education is as important as consent, anatomy, and relationships.  They develop their understanding of how it is edited, what is manufactured, the preparation behind the scenes, and the numerous choreographed positions.  They learn to see the differences between porn and a healthy, consensual, positive sexual relationship.  That sex in real life is, for the most part, part of a relationship or friendship.  It includes hugging, kissing, back rubs, giggling, farting, awkward sex positions, communication, laughter, in addition to what happens between the legs.  They learn that sex has to adjust to changing moods and levels of sexiness in their partner, different wants and needs, and that sex is not defined by time, length, or body types.

My next point applies to both kids and adults.  You cannot be reminded enough of the importance of conversation, kindness, respect, consent, and mutual pleasure regarding sex.  Because it is seldom seen in porn.