Hey there, curious minds! Let’s get honest about a question that might have left you scratching your head. No doubt you learnt about what sex is and how pregnancy can be an outcome of sex and have wondered what would happen to you if you had sex, right?

Well, brace yourself because the answer is “yep”. You can indeed fall pregnant at 12 if you have sex. But what if I haven’t had my first period yet? Even if you haven’t had your first period, ovulation (when an egg is released) can happen without warning signs. So if the egg meets a sperm due to sex, well, wham bam, pregnancy is a reality. 

What Next?

In this section, I will provide some pointers on advancing this conversation with the child and what elements you may want to cover. You may find the child will naturally ask more questions as a result of your answer, which you can proceed to discuss.

As a parent and a Sex Educator, my main thought with this question is the “why.” Why is this child asking this question? It may be just out of general curiosity, it may be because a friend they know is thinking or having sex, or it may be because they are thinking or having sex.

I am a big believer that when and if you start discussing sex with your children, you focus more on aspects like relationships, consent, safety, communication, intimacy, and respect, as these are areas rarely promoted or covered with pornography or other influences of a sexual nature.

Depending on your child’s interest and follow-up questions, you may want to talk about the risks and challenges of teenage pregnancy, not just for the baby but also for them. From a social perspective, lifetime implications to education, career, relationships, lack of financial support, and social stigma and discrimination exist. From a physical standpoint, there is increased pregnancy-related high blood pressure, anaemia, and postpartum hemorrhage for the mum. For the baby, premature birth or low birth weight, increased SIDS risk and infant mortality risk.

Even if you cover the risks of teenage pregnancy from a high perspective, this is an excellent way to lead to ways to prevent unplanned pregnancies. Abstinence is always a good first choice. However, as we all know, teenagers can be impulsive and have increased risk-taking behaviours. Therefore, you must also discuss birth control methods like condoms, contraceptives, or implants. Whilst the focus is primarily on pregnancy with this topic, the rise of STIs over the last couple of years as well as the increased prevalence of antibiotic-resistant STIs, it is always worth a talk on the use of condoms as a means to reduce the risk of STI transmission.

Finally, depending on what the answer was to the “why question” above, you may find it beneficial to discuss reasons why people have sex or, more importantly on, how you determine and know if you are ready for sex. This latter part might be more critical if the answers to the “why question” was if they knew a friend was thinking of having sex or they were thinking of having sex. As a parent, it’s hard not to freak out at the thought of your child thinking of having sex. However, this can occur, and whilst we believe it won’t be our child, it can be. Avoiding discussing the topic with your child only results in them entering a sexual relationship without knowing how to protect themselves, set boundaries, and engage in safe sex. Educating them on the reality of sex may, in fact, delay them. Teenagers have consistently told us that when provided with realistic, valid, and informative information about sex and navigating sexual relationships, especially around consent, safe sex, and holding their boundaries, the allure of the “unknown” and initiation of sexual activities decreases.  

The reality is how you approach and what you discuss further will be highly dependent on the individual scenario for your child. The above suggestions are intended as a guideline only, with the decision on what you discuss residing with you as the parent and your own relationship with your child.